Issue 12

“Following the smoke” sounds good. But what happened next?

📬 Newsletter hitting your inbox okay?

If you missed recent issues, catch up at newsletter.practicalpio.com. To make sure future emails don't vanish: mark this as "not spam" and add John@PracticalPIO.com to your contacts.

Beta testing the tool? I'd love 15 minutes of your time to hear what's working (and what's not). Book a quick research chat here. Your input directly shapes what gets built next.

Not in the beta yet? No problem. These newsletter tips work on their own, and there's still room.​

Practical PIO analyzes real social media posts to help you improve your communications. All identifying details are blurred or removed because our goal is growth, not criticism.

You’ve got all the pieces of a great story here—firefighters tracking down smoke across farmland, a house fire already breaking through the roof, families displaced but safe. The operational details are solid. But somewhere between “we found it” and “here’s the unit list,” the story loses its momentum. Let’s talk about how to tell it better.

Full text

Here’s the full text so you can follow along (or in case the image doesn’t load):

✅ What works well

✅ The 5Ws + H are covered. The release includes who responded, what happened (house fire), when it occurred (11:21 a.m.), where (farm in [District] area), why firefighters went defensive, and how they handled it (six-hour operation with mutual aid).

✅ The headline tells the story. “House Fire Displaces Four” immediately answers the most important question—is everyone okay?—and gives readers the human impact.

✅ Operational decisions are explained. The release doesn’t just say firefighters went defensive. It explains why: “structural instability and partial collapse” prevented interior operations. This helps neighbors understand the decision-making.

✅ Coverage continuity is mentioned. Noting that personnel were relocated to maintain county-wide coverage shows neighbors that their protection didn’t stop while crews handled this fire. That’s reassuring information worth including.

🛠️ What could be improved

Big picture

🛠️ Tell the story in order that creates interest. The release opens with the search for smoke, which is genuinely interesting—but then drops that thread. Readers never learn what firefighters saw when they found the fire. Going from “discovered a dwelling” straight to defensive operations skips the compelling visual details that make people want to keep reading.

🛠️ Lead with the most important information. “No injuries” appears in the fourth paragraph. Readers’ first question is “Is everyone okay?” Answer that in your opening sentence, then tell them how you got there.

🛠️ Finish translating the jargon. The release does well explaining why crews went defensive, but “defensive fire suppression efforts” is still fire service language. Neighbors don’t think in terms of “defensive” and “offensive.” They will appreciate learning that firefighters fought the fire from outside because the building was too unstable to enter safely.

🛠️ Consider what the unit list adds for readers. Every release needs to balance operational documentation with public communication. The 10-unit roster is useful for fire buffs and staffing requests. It’s not universally right or wrong—just have a good reason for using it if you do.

Nitty gritty

🛠️ Follow AP Style. “11:21 AM” should be “11:21 a.m.” in AP Style—lowercase with periods. Headlines should follow sentence case, so only the first word needs to be capitalized. Similarly, “Fire Marshal’s Office” doesn’t need capital letters unless it’s part of an official name. “The fire marshal’s office” follows standard AP Style.

🛠️ Consider tighter phrasing. “Firefighters determined the home’s occupants were not home at the time of the fire” is redundant. “Nobody was home during the fire” says the same thing with half the words.

Practical PIO version

Here’s a version that tells the story more engagingly while keeping all your solid operational details:

Teaching note: Notice how this version opens with the outcome (no injuries, four displaced), then retraces the response in a way that builds interest: smoke reports, tracking it down, what they found, why they went defensive. The operational details are still there—they’re just woven into a story readers will actually finish. The unit list was trimmed because it served operational documentation more than public information. If your department needs that in the public release, keep it at the end where it won’t interrupt the narrative.

Do you struggle with storytelling in your releases? Hit reply and let me know—I read every email.

Thanks for reading!

Did someone forward you this email? Subscribe here.

If you’re already a subscriber and you found value in something here, tell your friends and colleagues to subscribe!