Issue 10

A fire alarm at 3:55 a.m.—and there was actually a fire

Practical PIO analyzes real social media posts to help you improve your communications. All identifying details are blurred or removed because our goal is growth, not criticism.

You responded to a fire alarm at 4 a.m. and found an actual fire. The sprinkler system worked exactly as designed. Everyone stayed safe, and the damage was minimal. That’s a great story—but it’s buried under layers of technical detail that will lose most of your readers.

Full text

Here’s the full text so you can follow along (or in case the image doesn’t load):

✅ What works well

✅ The 5Ws + H are covered. We know who ([City] Fire Department), what (fire), when (3:55 a.m.), where (business and address), why (an alarm was going off), and how the fire started (electrical short).

✅ The cause is clearly explained. The post identifies the electrical short in an extension cord used for Christmas decorations as the cause.

✅ The sprinkler system success story is included. Noting that only two sprinkler heads activated and contained the fire demonstrates how these systems save buildings and lives.

🛠️ What could be improved

Big picture

🛠️ Don’t miss out on teachable moments. The post mentions the sprinkler system’s success and the extension cord as the fire cause, but it stops short of giving the reader actionable tips like “Leave at least 18 inches of space around sprinkler heads” or “Don’t overload extension cords.”

🛠️ Stay in your lane. This is a fire department news release, not the business’s. First responders shouldn’t speak for the business owner. When the business fails to reopen next week, first responders don’t want to be on the hook.

🛠️ When the timing tells part of the story, you can adjust the structure. A fire at 3:55 a.m. in a closed business probably means no customers or employees were at risk. Leading with “no injuries” is usually right, but here the release can weave it into the narrative naturally—closed business, sprinklers worked, fire stayed small, everyone safe. The timing is part of why this story has a good outcome.

🛠️ Translate fire service operations for civilians. “Forced entry was authorized and gained,” “seat of the fire area,” “performed ventilation”—these are operational terms that mean little to the public. Say “broke through the front door,” “found the fire,” and “cleared smoke from the building.”

🛠️ Too much detail overwhelms the message. Readers don’t need to know which engine company arrived first, that personnel “made interior entry,” or the exact location within the floral area. Focus on what matters: alarm came in, fire was real, sprinklers worked, minimal damage.

Nitty gritty

🛠️ Watch your capitalization. “Commercial Fire Alarm,” “Engine Company,” “Christmas Decor” don’t need capital letters (aside from Christmas). Follow AP Style: lowercase unless it’s a proper name or precedes someone’s name.

🛠️ Proofread for typos and errors. “the deactivated” should be “then deactivated.” “The buildings fire sprinkler” needs an apostrophe: “building’s.” Small mistakes like these undermine credibility.

🛠️ Use consistent time format. “3:55AM” should be “3:55 a.m.” in AP Style—lowercase with periods and a space before “a.m.”

🛠️ Avoid redundancy. “At approximately 3:55AM this morning” is redundant—“a.m.” already tells us it’s morning. Just say “at 3:55 a.m.”

🛠️ Fix awkward phrasing. “Located the seat of the fire area in a display area near the floral arrangement area” uses “area” three times in one phrase. Say “found the fire in the floral department” or “in a Christmas display near the flowers.”

Practical PIO version

Here’s a version that tells the story clearly and highlights what matters most to your community:

Teaching note: Notice how this version leads with the noteworthy angle (alarm = actual fire, sprinklers worked) and tells the story in language anyone can understand. The prevention message at the end connects this specific fire to actionable advice readers can use. You’ve educated your community without overwhelming them with operational minutiae.

What would you have done differently? Hit reply and let me know—
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