Issue 9

Great safety stats. But what should your neighbors DO about it?

Practical PIO analyzes real social media posts to help you improve your communications. All identifying details are blurred or removed because our goal is growth, not criticism.

You’ve got a preventable fire, a clear cause, and powerful safety statistics. You’ve done exactly what good PIOs do—use an incident to educate your community. This post was this close to nailing it. It just needed to take one more step: telling readers what to do with that information.

Full text

Here’s the full text so you can follow along (or in case the image doesn’t load):

✅ What works well

✅ The post includes prevention messaging with real statistics. Connecting this specific fire to national data (17,000 smoking-related home fires annually) gives context and shows this isn’t just one isolated incident. This is exactly how to use an incident for community education.

✅ The investigation is acknowledged. Noting that fire marshals determined the cause adds credibility and shows the work that goes into understanding every fire.

✅ The outcome is included. The post mentions that all occupants exited safely and no one was injured. Readers get the reassurance they need.

🛠️ What could be improved

Big picture

🛠️ Connect your statistics to action. You’ve given readers powerful data about smoking-related fires, but what should they DO with this information? “Never smoke in bed” or “Make sure your smoke alarms work—they save lives” turns statistics into prevention. You did the hard work of finding the stats; don’t stop before telling people how to stay safe.

🛠️ Don’t skip the 5Ws+H basics. This post is missing a clear “when” (just “last night”—what’s the actual date?) and “where” (which neighborhood? what street?). These aren’t just journalism fundamentals—they help your community understand context. People want to know if this fire happened near them.

🛠️ Lead with what matters most: everyone’s safe. The most important information (no injuries, everyone got out safely) is in paragraph five. Answer “Is everyone okay?” in the first sentence, then explain what happened and why it matters.

🛠️ Use percentages that resonate. You say “1/5 of all fire fatalities” but “5% of all home fires.” Saying “20% of fire deaths” is clearer and more impactful than “1/5.” Pick one format (percentages) and stick with it for consistency and impact.

Nitty gritty

🛠️ Translate fire service jargon for your audience. “Bravo side,” “working structure fire,” and “aggressive interior attack”—these terms are meaningful to firefighters but confusing to civilians. Say “left side of the home,” “house fire,” and “entered the building to fight the fire” instead.

🛠️ Don’t capitalize job titles mid-sentence. “Firefighters” shouldn’t be capitalized unless it precedes a name (like “Firefighter Pat Sanders”). Follow AP Style: lowercase for common nouns.

🛠️ Watch your sentence structure. “There were no injuries to citizens or firefighters fortunately” is awkward. Try: “Fortunately, no residents or firefighters were injured.”

🛠️ The cause statement is awkwardly worded. “Falling asleep while smoking a cigarette and accidentally igniting the bedsheets” tries to pack too much into one phrase. Break it up: “Someone fell asleep while smoking in bed. The cigarette ignited the bedsheets.”

🛠️ Use precise language. “Contributes over 17,000 accidental home fires” should be “attributes.” The NFPA attributes these fires to smoking.

🛠️ Simplify unnecessarily complex language. “Accounts too for” is too precise or formal. “Accounts for” is sufficient and clearer.

🛠️ Fix your formatting. The odd indentation and spacing makes this harder to read. Social media posts should be clean and scannable.

Practical PIO version

Here’s a version that leads with safety, connects stats to action, and keeps the language accessible:

Teaching note: Notice how this version takes the final step—turning data into action. The statistics are powerful, but they’re even more powerful when paired with clear, simple prevention advice. You’re not just informing your community; you’re giving them tools to stay safe.

Have you used incident data to drive prevention messaging in your community? What worked? What didn’t? Hit reply and let me know—I read every email.

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