Issue 6

One fire post that does a lot right

Practical PIO analyzes real social media posts to help you improve your communications. All identifying details are blurred or removed because our goal is growth, not criticism.

Volunteer fire departments need support from their communities in the form of funding and person-hours. If they are a respected community institution, their task of raising support is much easier. Here’s a department that informs the public about an incident, gives a safety tip, and invites people to join them in making a difference for the community—all in one short social media post that leaves readers with good vibes.

This is a good example of how routine incident posts quietly build public trust.

Full text

Here’s the full text so you can follow along (or in case the image doesn’t load):

✅ What works well

✅ The basics are covered succinctly. We know the 5Ws (who, what, when, where, why) in 2 paragraphs.

✅ There’s a little safety message. We know that a closed door limited the spread of the fire and the damage it caused.

✅ There’s a sense of thankfulness. We get the sense that the department is glad the damage wasn’t worse, and they thank their volunteers, other agencies, and the utility companies.

✅ There’s a call to action. The department doesn’t miss a chance to seek new volunteers. And it’s done tastefully.

🛠️ What could be improved

Big picture

🛠️ Cut the jargon. The phrase “first due” is terminology that non-firefighters probably won’t understand. (And I saw this in comments on the post.) Just say “Second fire in town” and “alerted to another fire in

🛠️ Show, don’t tell. The closed door that limited the fire damage offers lots of potential for high-impact images or video that would really teach a safety message. Don’t just write about it. Share the images. It’s a teachable moment.

Nitty gritty

🛠️ Watch the passive voice. This post has lots of “were,” “was,” and “is.” These are signs of passive voice, although it’s not as bothersome here as in some releases. (Remember our pro tip: If you can add “by zombies” after the verb and it makes sense, you’re using passive voice.)

🛠️ Follow Associated Press (AP) Style. AP Style is a little unusual in that it does not use a serial comma—the comma before the last item in a list. The list of thanks should have been “response, the

🛠️ Drop the hashtags. As mentioned in previous issues, hashtags have less and less usefulness in social media platforms. If you do use hashtags, use “CamelCase” (capitalize the first letter of every word) to make them more readable.

🛠️ Consider naming all agencies. Sometimes the list could be too long, and I think that may be the case here. But if it’s not too long a list of all mutual aid companies, it might feel better to name them.

Practical PIO version

This one doesn’t need a lot of rework, but here’s a version that uses less passive voice and is slightly more succinct.

Would you name the mutual aid agencies? Hit reply and let me know—I read every email.

I’m building the Practical PIO to make this easier, and your input helps shape what I make.

Thanks for reading!

Did someone forward you this email? Subscribe here.

If you’re already a subscriber and you found value in something here, tell your friends and colleagues to subscribe!