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Issue 4
When a car crashes into a building (and you need to explain why it’s complex)
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Practical PIO analyzes real social media posts to help you improve your communications. All identifying details are blurred or removed because our goal is growth, not criticism. |
You’ve had a fairly complex incident, and now you want to create a social media post about it. Here’s a good example of succinctly communicating the complexity without going into too much detail. This one gets a lot right. Let’s look at what’s working well and a few small refinements that could make it even stronger.
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Full text
Here’s the full text so you can follow along (or in case the image doesn’t load):
On Tuesday, November 4, at 4:13 p.m., your [Fire Department] Firefighters were dispatched to a vehicle vs building at the [Business] on [Street].
Engine 5 arrived just 3 minutes later and immediately began checking for injuries and making sure no one was trapped. Firefighters quickly assessed the scene and helped six adults, including the driver, who were later transported to local hospitals with minor injuries.
Due to the type of car involved and the damage to the building, our specialized teams were called in. Heavy Rescue 17 and HAZMAT 14 responded to assist. HAZMAT crews ensured the electric vehicle (EV) was powered down and not showing signs of thermal runaway (a dangerous overheating condition in EVs).
To safely remove the vehicle, Heavy Rescue had to stabilize part of the damaged wall and carefully cut off the roof so it could be pulled back through the hole it entered. This complex operation was completed without incident, and the vehicle was removed by 6:39 p.m.
Our partners at the [City] Police Department responded to assist and investigate the nature of the crash. The investigation into the crash is ongoing.
Responding [Fire Department] FD Units: Engine 3, Engine 5, Truck 9, HAZMAT 14, Heavy Rescue 17, Medical Lieutenant 73, Medical Lieutenant 74, Battalion Chief 2, PIO1
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✅ What works well
✅ Cover the fundamentals. The post includes the 5Ws + H. It covers who responded, what happened (vehicle vs building), when and where it occurred, why they were there (crash), and how they handled it (checking for injuries, calling in specialized units).
✅ Stay in your lane. The post doesn’t speculate about how the collision happened. It appropriately references the police department’s investigation.
✅ Set up complexity before diving in. The sentence “due to the type of car involved and the damage to the building…” is a really good introduction to explain why specialized units were needed. This prepares readers for the details that follow.
✅ Know when to stop. The post doesn’t over-explain the incident. It gives enough detail to understand what happened without overwhelming readers with technical details.
✅ Explain jargon when you use it. The post explains the jargon “thermal runaway” as “a dangerous overheating condition in EVs” right after using the term. This shows you can use technical language when necessary—just translate it immediately.
✅ Follow AP Style for times. Times are written in proper Associated Press Style (4:13 p.m. and 6:39 p.m.).
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🛠️ What could be improved
Big picture
🛠️ Lead with what matters most: the outcome. The release is chronological rather than following the “inverted pyramid” format. In a potentially serious, complex incident like this, leading with “six adults taken to hospitals with minor injuries and nobody trapped” immediately answer the community’s biggest question. The chronology can follow.
Nitty gritty
🛠️ Follow AP Style for dates. The date should be “Tuesday, Nov. 4” not “Tuesday, November 4.”
🛠️ Avoid dispatch jargon. “Vehicle vs building” is call-type shorthand. Say “a vehicle that had crashed into a building” instead.
🛠️ Watch pronoun clarity. In “To safely remove the vehicle, Heavy Rescue had to stabilize part of the damaged wall and carefully cut off the roof so it could be pulled back through the hole it entered,” the use of the pronoun “it” introduces some confusion for readers. What’s being pulled back? The building’s roof? The wall? The vehicle?” Say “cut off the car’s roof so the car could be pulled back” for clarity.
🛠️ Don’t over-capitalize—a common issue in emergency services. Since the Associated Press Stylebook doesn’t specify the capitalization of “HAZMAT,” the spelling should then follow the Merriam-Webster dictionary, which uses “hazmat.” In text, keep it lowercase; in unit names like “HAZMAT 14,” you’re fine to capitalize it. Pro tip: When AP Style doesn’t cover something, defer to Merriam-Webster.
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Practical PIO version
Here’s a version that repackages the incident information in more of a news release style that would be useful to citizens and news media.
A car crashed into a building Tuesday, Nov. 4, at the [Business] on [Street], and six adults were taken to local hospitals with minor injuries. No one was trapped.
Firefighters arrived within three minutes and immediately checked for injuries and secured the scene. Because of the type of car involved and the damage to the building, specialized teams were called in to help. Hazmat crews made sure the electric vehicle was powered down and showed no signs of dangerous overheating.
To safely remove the car, firefighters stabilized part of the damaged wall and carefully cut off the car’s roof so it could be pulled back out through the opening. The operation was completed without incident, and crews cleared the scene by 6:39 p.m.
The [City] Police Department is investigating the crash.
Responding [Fire Department] FD Units: Engine 3, Engine 5, Truck 9, HAZMAT 14, Heavy Rescue 17, Medical Lieutenant 73, Medical Lieutenant 74, Battalion Chief 2, PIO1
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